By Katherine Chan
as i scroll through the images, collages of women and children, carefully curated vision, the
feeling makes its way into my space without knocking, asking for permission, and sink right in,
deep down to my core and female biological restraints and brainwashed ideals: he’s not right for
me. i confront my desires in those brief, intrusive moments, face to face, woman to woman. i
want a family.
immediately i remember my lust for a non-normative life; a fluid, constantly flowing embodiment, with consistent resurges of energy. i want to reside in different places, experience a diverse life; i want to entertain the many personalities that have somehow decided to reside within me and wait patiently for their years, their time to be released. it feels like the devil calling: this desire which seems to be the polar opposite of a family; the resistance against ‘structure’.
the fissure doesn’t close, but i’m constantly being pulled, jerked, urged around by the erratic on one shoulder and the rational on the other. my long-term companion in the art form of life; the me in the coming years. it resembles the disconnect that takes place between the mind and the body, two parts that come from the same being: a greed for desires that will sate for an unknown period of time. strangely enough, duration matters here; timing matters here. what factor is irresistible, self-identifying enough for one life’s complete devotion?
and if i didn’t have a body to identify with, would i still want children? if i didn’t have a gender that i identify comfortably with, would i still desire to be a mother? if i didn’t have the desire to be a mother, would i still be able to identify as a woman? and if i couldn’t have children, would i still identify comfortably with my body?
would my desire for an identity consisting of a sexuality that feels like skin, non-imprisoning, coincide with my desire to feel connected to my body, as if having made use of it in reproducing, introducing, and nurturing a new life? could liberty and definition coexist in coherence, within the confinements of our consciousness and our undeniable, physical form?
Fissure vision was written for an interarts show curated by Katherine Chan in Paris, January 2017. The show was titled DYSEMBODIMENT, a mental experiment on imagining a body without sexuality. This piece was part of zine produced for the art show. The images are also taken from the zine, featuring the art installations created by the artist exhibiting under the name of Consent, titled "Ask for it". The installation was made with acrylic, charcoal, and mixed textile on canvas hung on oak dowel.
Katherine Chan defies the idea of normativity and being defined by any single part of her life. She is an emotionally intelligent woman of colour writing prose and poetry, doing the PR thing, and constantly connecting with artists, creative individuals and organizers to make an impact. Latest obsessions are tropical foliage and large-scale, immersive art installations. Discover more about Katherine's work on kthrnec.com, thoughts and images on twitter (@_kthrne) and Instagram (@kthrnec).